I always thought that my illness was the villain in my story, the obstacle to overcome, or the adversity to out-maneuver. With almost twenty fours years of maneuvering behind me, I can now see it in a different way. Maybe it is because of these pink glasses I wear, but when I look back, I can see clearly how my illness has actually guided me on an amazing journey. It has been guiding me this whole time to discover what I always wanted to know (but didn’t know existed) and to experience what I always wanted (but had no idea how). In that way, my illness has really been a teacher, or maybe even a friend.
I had hoped for adventure in my life. I dreamed of travel and exotic places. I was thinking teach English overseas though, not Juvenile Parkinson’s disease. My quest for healing has actually brought me to all sorts of interesting places: yoga ashrams, healing centres, retreats in the desert, even rapelling off of a 30 story building as part of a meditation workshop. I have experienced some amazing things, spent time in beautiful places, and learned about things that I did not know existed. My whole worldview has transformed. I am the same on the outside but different on the inside. This is not something that I could have ever planned. It’s like I have my own personal Mr. Miyagi. A hard-nosed guru, ruthlessly training me for an unknown future endeavour. I have no idea why I am doing these crazy exercises, but someday it all becomes apparent.
As I continue on my unexpected journey, I continue to learn, expand, and evolve.
I still have Parkinson’s disease. I am still trying to figure out how to deal with it everyday. I still don’t want it. It hurts. But I also recognize all that it has brought me.
I am not special, if this is possible for me, then it is possible for you.
Have you ever considered that the “villain” in your life could actually be your friend? The kind of friend that
reminds you to drink water and rest instead of inviting you out for a drink,
tells you to go to bed early,
points out to you when you are overly stressed and reminds you to take a break,
tells you when you are being overly critical of yourself or pushing yourself too hard,
encourages you to prioritize your time and energy,
makes you give up things that are not aligned with your real values,
asks you to question your habitual beliefs and thoughts so that you can experience more peace,
encourages you to connect with your higher power, and ultimately,
pushes you to be your most authentic self.
Sometimes my “friend” is a real *&%#. Most of the time I wish she would shut up and go away. But I try to stop arguing with her for five minutes a day and listen. Sometimes (ok, most of the time), she makes some good points. Ultimately I am grateful for all that she has taught me, shown me and continues to show me.
I know this may be hard. I don’t mean to diminish the pain loss or grief that you may be experiencing with your own challenges. I wish you love and peace wherever you are on your journey.
Love and Peace
Check out my other reflections from a slower life on aslowerkindoflife.com I write about living with chronic illness, healing, the beauty of slowing down, parenting and creative projects.
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