Almost a year after I had to retire from my carrer as an Urban Planner and go on permanent long term disability because of my parkinson’s disease, I started to feel like I had been set free.
For so many years I struggled with trying to fix my body. I went to countless doctors, therapists, practitioners, healers, courses, workshops, and retreats. I tried vitamins, diets, exercises, and treatments. I spent thousands and thousands of dollars trying to make myself well.
When my symptoms finally added up to a clear diagnosis of Juvenile Parkinson's Disease in 2012, I still thought I could get rid of it and continued with my battle.
At the age of 38, I had to "retire" from my career as an urban planner, give up my professional certification and go on permanent long term disability. After over 20 years of fighting with perplexing symptoms and chronic illness, and struggling to keep up with the rat race, I had to let go. I had to let go of my 12 year career and my professional certification. I had to let go of what I thought the purpose of my life was. I had to let go of trying to feel useful and Important. I also had to let other people help me take care of my son. I had to hire someone to help me around the house. I had to surrender to the fact that I just couldn’t do what other people do.
Then one day I noticed how quiet, small, and peaceful my life is. It’s like I am in this little oasis. I looked back at my life experience and felt like I had been set free.
How can I feel free in a body that is limited and not always under my control?
I am totally free of societal expectations and obligations as far as ambition, achievements, and doing something Important. Even better I am now free of my OWN expectations for these things. All that stress and pressure was replaced with peace.
I was my worst enemy. I had big expectations and ambitions for myself. I was what you would call an “overachiever”. I thought I had to make up for something or do some big thing to prove my worth. But when I finally had to let go of my career, I was able to let go of those big expectations too and a huge weight was released from my shoulders.
Anyone can let go of their own or “society’s” expectations and ambitions and allow themselves to be free.
Letting go of my ambitions for my life and my beliefs about my place in the world culminated in my finally letting go of my career, but it was actually a process that took several years...
I have been living with chronic illness and exploring the healing journey for over 20 years. I have been very blessed to learn from many great teachers and have the opportunity to explore many healing paths. I offer what I have learned from that journey to you in the form of aslowerkindoflife.com. I love pondering the mysteries of life and how it all weaves together into a beautiful journey.