2020 has been unexpected. At first I wasn’t sad to lose our activities like swimming, libraries, and drop in playtime. I realized how much I was rushing around trying to keep up with all the expected activities, thinking that I had to keep busy, and ultimately exhausting myself. We settled into lockdown just fine- spending quiet days at home and wandering around our neighbourhood.
Then some things opened. I wasn’t sure how to proceed. Do we expand our world or stay inward? I stayed in for the most part, keeping our simple, slow pace. I just wasn’t willing to subject myself to the anxiety that I would feel or to the layers of precautions that make the world feel unsafe. I opted to stay in our little cocoon. Now, it looks like things may close again. More restrictions are being put in place. Looking into the cold, dark months ahead, I wonder what is in store for us.
Rather than live in fear, I am trying to look at this as an opportunity. How can I take what 2020 is offering me? Rather than fight against the limitations, can I relax into them? Instead of feeling bound, can I feel held? Wrapped in a cocoon created by outer closures, I keep my focus inward and may discover something about myself.
When I was eight years old, I broke my right arm and had a cast for several months. The cast made it impossible to participate in the many after-school activities that had kept me busy: gymnastics, dance, swim, piano… In that open space, without activities to busy me, I started drawing underwater scenes with my left (non-dominant) hand. I was very pleased with myself, never before having thought of myself as artistic. It was something that emerged spontaneously from the restriction my injury imposed that still makes me feel happy to think about. I didn’t even have to become a talented or professional underwater scenes illustrator. I just had some fun.
So what can we do with the upcoming restriction imposed by the cold dark months with limited indoor activity options? This is a beautiful opportunity to take a rest, prioritize self-care, and discover what is really important to me. It is a great time to find my inner source of nourishment instead of seeking it from outside activities, engagements, and busyness. It is a good time to listen to my own heart.
I am worried about my son missing out on activities and engagement. I have to trust that things will be ok. If I delight life the way it is right now, so will he. We don’t have to go to an indoor playground to delight in life. There is so much right in front of our noses.
This winter may be like a true hibernation, a true hunkering down. If I take this as an opportunity, then by spring, I could feel like I am emerging from a rejuvenating retreat. I will have refined some priorities, gained some clarity, and had a chance to rest away from the busyness of the world for a while. I want to focus on presence, peace, play and delight. I want to create a strong foundation of safety and warmth in my home and family through routine, calm, ease, and enjoyment of simple things: like our few friends and family movie night. I want to complete a writing project and provide more support to my family who are isolated.
We didn’t think that this would be this long. We all thought things would be back to normal by now. Instead of thrashing against the restrictions, why not see what opportunity there could be within them?
Love and Peace
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I have been living with chronic illness and exploring the healing journey for over 20 years. I offer what I have learned from that journey to you in the form of aslowerkindoflife.com.
